Sports: Halloween costume ideas for the rest of us

Andi Osters | Columnist for NOISE - ostersan@gmail.com

I don't love Halloween. I mean, some people ADORE this holiday - with the same fervor produced by Christmas, birthdays and St. Patrick's Day. The chance to demonstrate my darker demons, unveil the unsavory and revel in the revolting has never appealed to me - but for some? Nirvana.

I have to assume I'm not alone in this sentiment, as there are plenty of people who choose not to partake in costumes, candy or tricking-or-treating of any kind. However, I think I found a way for a few of us to get involved this weekend while applying a shared love. This week, I'll suggest a few attire advisements for October 31 - all with a decidedly athletic accent.

A warning: none of the following should be accompanied by the prefix of "sexy" or "slutty" or even "naughty." These costumes don't need false pretenses. They're good enough without being sleazed on.

Michael Vick

• Required: Furrowed brow, Eagles jersey, fierce-looking canine with fixed gaze and quivering bottom jowl, PETA brochures for distribution, pants pockets empty and turned out.

Nick Saban

• Required: Three to four straight days of self-tanning (spray-on preferred), excessive amounts of L.A. Looks Hair Gel followed by AquaNet hairspray (or hairpiece), Toledo scarf, Michigan State wristband, LSU visor, Miami Dolphins pinstripe pants and an Alabama sweater vest - worn while holding a cardboard placard reading, "Will Coach for Cash."

Brooke Hundley

• Required: Frumpy gray Red Sox tee, 8x10 framed headshot of ESPN's Steve Phillips to be clutched, menacing glare, constant babbling and application for name-change in the state of Connecticut.

Manny Ramirez

• Required: Dreadlock wig, fake syringe protruding from right non-facial cheek, with silicone-mold of a baby bump strapped on underneath Dodgers jersey.

Chris L. Rucker

• Required: Digital hat-clock reading 0:02, patchwork jersey with comprised of MSU's No. 29 on the back, hugging Iowa's No. 7 jersey, which also happens to be hugging a football. Immediately put paper bag on head after midnight. (Sorry, Chris. Played a great 59 minutes of football this past week, but to avoid this list, you really should've forced McNutt to run the fade route. Really, really should've.)

Andi Osters, 27, is a Michigan State graduate.